You are a goddess of the written word. Holy fuck, Marya. There's so much here, that I'm sitting at my desk with my mouth hanging open. Yes, to the woman who was set on fire, yes, to the woman who was drugged and raped repeatedly in France because her husband gave "consent," and yes to the women in Gambia who insist on and continue mutilating the genitals of baby girls because it's a cultural norm/belief (even though it's illegal in that country). What the fuck? And that guy? "He himself has traveled the whole world and never once had a problem." Uh. I wonder why. Your brain astounds me every time I read something you've penned. Thank you.
Nan, you are incredibly generous. And while I am sad that all of this resonates, it’s important to know that none of us is aware of these things in a vacuum, either. Grateful for your comment and friendship, as ever.
This, this piece and the perspective you share — both personal and universal — are why storytelling is so fucking important. At their most basic they help others understand. At their best they change behavior and attitude. I’m a bit of an idealist thinking this, but reaching even one person who gains some understanding and adjusts their actions accordingly is a powerful thing. There needs to be much (much) bigger cultural change for sure. An elephant is eaten one bite at a time, but it happens a lot faster if there’s a village doing the eating.
@Matt Smythe! Thank you for reading, and thank you for corroborating my possibly too-pollyanna idealism, but I agree—reaching someone, increasing the overall mutual understanding in the world, does not require agreement, but it does serve the greater good in the end. As always, I really appreciate your work, and your words.
What a brave, beautiful, unsparing essay—not simply as writing but as feeling and living. Rebecca’s murder, in front of her children, has been on my mind. I wondered why her story isn’t everywhere. Now here you are with the context. Thank you.
Glad that you are smart. We all must always be prepared and aware, very seldom are we able to trust.
He lost all possibility when 1) he drove in circles and 2) made the misogynist statement that all women are emotional and anxious (or was that overly emotional..doesn’t matter) the guys lucky you didn’t do any damage before exiting his pickup.
Dang, what a shame there are such scum in the world. Ruined a perfectly good sunset.
Thank you, @Teyani Whitman—I so appreciate your readership and comments on these. Both trust and distrust are earned, you know? I think the best we can do is be prepared for and aware of which one is right at any given time.
"We saw her. Her beauty, her strength, her freedom, and it was in all likelihood her beauty, strength and freedom which were intolerable for the person who committed this murder." ~Paris mayor, Anne Hidalgo.
Marya, this is potent, necessary writing and also hard to read. It fuels the rage I hold inside on behalf of all who are rendered powerless. Versions of these realities have existed for as long as we've been keeping track of our human stories. Will the endings never change? Will power and greed, and the fear that underpins them, ever be supplanted by a desire for the common good? Idealism has always had to fight for its place, but there was a time in my past when it felt like a contender, a time when dreaming didn't seem so ridiculous.
"There is no way to disentangle the liberty to which I believe I am entitled from that of the person who believes their liberty includes the right to curtail my own." This line. This is what I cling to, the last holdout against utter cynicism. This is the one connection we all share, and I keep wanting to believe hope lies therein, somehow. Thank you.
Elizabeth, this is one of those comments that reminds me of why I appreciate this platform—the ability to connect with you & the other folks here on these questions in near-real time means the world. Thank you for bringing your voice to this conversation. ♥️
The writing is stunning. There are so many lines I could quote back to you as being especially powerful.
The story is shocking at a micro and macro level, and as others have said, the individual stories and the broader state-of-humanity stories need to be told and told well. Thank goodness you're here to help do that.
Your words. The way they bring humanity and its endless layers to life. Thank you for always so selflessly sharing them. They’ve been such a powerful guide since I found them over 20 years ago and I am so excited to find them here on Substack.
And, Marya, once again I'm touched by the resonance of our weaving stories. I've started and worked and reworked a piece, working title, "Dating in Vanlife," well, more than once, I can tell you. There's a version with the light and funny, one with the sweetness of fleeting depth, and one with moments like the one you bring to life here. And does / should one exist without the other? (Maybe another topic for the conversation.) (PS. Yeah, no freezing. But run is my go-to.)
Mostly, thanks for this fantastic example of how to write these moments well.
Thank you, Holly. You’ve posted such incredible work these last couple of weeks, and i am so excited for our conversation. I was just going to message you about it—will do so right after class.
A story came to mind: a disagreement with a guy on the concept of freedom that led to me wanting my knife in my hand, just in case, the rest of the semester. I erased finer details after weighing the wisdom of telling this story in a public space at this time. Then there are questions of timing in general, whose story is it really, the differences between bravery and discernment (though they can go hand in hand). I don’t really wish bravery upon everyone, nor resilience – not anymore. I wish we lived in a world where those things mattered less, weren’t so vital, were not a matter of survival.
And yet.
You & this piece are brave and powerful. Thank you for writing it. Thank you for being here.
I wish us all plenty of bravery and far less need for it, as well. Thank you for posting here, luv, and thank you for the messages cheering me on as I wrote. ♥️
"The difference between bravery and discernment." SO much, there. I hope you one day decide to share your story you referenced (not wanting to air it in public at this time). It will resonate with so many. Just that one sentence had me.
Thank you Nina, that’s very kind. That particular story would likely only be shared in tandem with related ones… as Marya writes, it’s never just one story, is it? “Every single story—about a place or a person or a moment in time—is inextricably tied to all the stories that precede the one story you're trying to tell.” & time will tell, as to what gets told. 🙂
A deeply strong and moving and consuming perspective.
Haunting,….leaving me with a thirst for more. But more importantly, an introduction and opportunity to quiet my mind, its views and opinion. And to digest your story, and perspective in whole. The bigger story.
Really compelling read Marya. “Every single story—about a place or a person or a moment in time—is inextricably tied to all the stories that precede the one story you're trying to tell.” Comes across in this piece loud and clear. Glad you got out of that truck unharmed.
So sad to read about the Olympic athlete. I hadn’t seen that news.
I’m happy to hear from you, Wendy, and so glad you found something here. The death of the Olympian is heartbreaking, and thoughts and prayers didn’t feel like the only possible response. Thank you for commenting.
I just saw Sam Baker (of The Shift) mention her, too, and looked up the news. Just awful. Your piece frames it in a really thought-provoking way. Thanks for writing this.
Good question—I admit it crossed my mind. And while individuals are not representative of the collective, the collective has some work to do within, seems to me.
Not sure I could add anything substantive to what is here already, but you are 100% ON IT and I couldn't be happier you are in the world, doing what you are doing, shining a very bright light on this crazy shit. And doing it with incredibly writing, thank you.
Boom what amazing writing, I felt as if I was right there in the truck with you. Unfortunately, a lot of us women have been right there in the truck with you. Luckily you clearly have your head screwed on the right way, but please be careful out there ❤️
Too many have, I agree. Sorrowful about that but happy we’re turning the experience into a conversation that I hope will move us toward a different story altogether. One day.
You are a goddess of the written word. Holy fuck, Marya. There's so much here, that I'm sitting at my desk with my mouth hanging open. Yes, to the woman who was set on fire, yes, to the woman who was drugged and raped repeatedly in France because her husband gave "consent," and yes to the women in Gambia who insist on and continue mutilating the genitals of baby girls because it's a cultural norm/belief (even though it's illegal in that country). What the fuck? And that guy? "He himself has traveled the whole world and never once had a problem." Uh. I wonder why. Your brain astounds me every time I read something you've penned. Thank you.
Nan, you are incredibly generous. And while I am sad that all of this resonates, it’s important to know that none of us is aware of these things in a vacuum, either. Grateful for your comment and friendship, as ever.
We are not alone. Sending love and gratitude to you. Hope to see you soon! Tomorrow? xoxo
Tomorrow!! Xoxo
Yay! I have my essay all written. Excited to share. Have a good night. xoxo
This, this piece and the perspective you share — both personal and universal — are why storytelling is so fucking important. At their most basic they help others understand. At their best they change behavior and attitude. I’m a bit of an idealist thinking this, but reaching even one person who gains some understanding and adjusts their actions accordingly is a powerful thing. There needs to be much (much) bigger cultural change for sure. An elephant is eaten one bite at a time, but it happens a lot faster if there’s a village doing the eating.
Great essay, Marya.
@Matt Smythe! Thank you for reading, and thank you for corroborating my possibly too-pollyanna idealism, but I agree—reaching someone, increasing the overall mutual understanding in the world, does not require agreement, but it does serve the greater good in the end. As always, I really appreciate your work, and your words.
What a brave, beautiful, unsparing essay—not simply as writing but as feeling and living. Rebecca’s murder, in front of her children, has been on my mind. I wondered why her story isn’t everywhere. Now here you are with the context. Thank you.
@Rona Maynard, thank you. So much news rushes past us; I can’t tell her story, of course, but it reached me and it stayed. Thank you for this.
Glad that you are smart. We all must always be prepared and aware, very seldom are we able to trust.
He lost all possibility when 1) he drove in circles and 2) made the misogynist statement that all women are emotional and anxious (or was that overly emotional..doesn’t matter) the guys lucky you didn’t do any damage before exiting his pickup.
Dang, what a shame there are such scum in the world. Ruined a perfectly good sunset.
Glad you’re okay.
Thank you, @Teyani Whitman—I so appreciate your readership and comments on these. Both trust and distrust are earned, you know? I think the best we can do is be prepared for and aware of which one is right at any given time.
I get a feeling she enjoyed that sunset so much more without the distraction.
"We saw her. Her beauty, her strength, her freedom, and it was in all likelihood her beauty, strength and freedom which were intolerable for the person who committed this murder." ~Paris mayor, Anne Hidalgo.
Marya, this is potent, necessary writing and also hard to read. It fuels the rage I hold inside on behalf of all who are rendered powerless. Versions of these realities have existed for as long as we've been keeping track of our human stories. Will the endings never change? Will power and greed, and the fear that underpins them, ever be supplanted by a desire for the common good? Idealism has always had to fight for its place, but there was a time in my past when it felt like a contender, a time when dreaming didn't seem so ridiculous.
"There is no way to disentangle the liberty to which I believe I am entitled from that of the person who believes their liberty includes the right to curtail my own." This line. This is what I cling to, the last holdout against utter cynicism. This is the one connection we all share, and I keep wanting to believe hope lies therein, somehow. Thank you.
Elizabeth, this is one of those comments that reminds me of why I appreciate this platform—the ability to connect with you & the other folks here on these questions in near-real time means the world. Thank you for bringing your voice to this conversation. ♥️
Likewise, Marya. Glad to know you're here, and out there.
Held my breath.
Nancy! I am so happy to have you here, and it’s such a treat to begin digging into your Substack. I look forward to reading more.
OMG, Marya! I don't even know what to say.
The writing is stunning. There are so many lines I could quote back to you as being especially powerful.
The story is shocking at a micro and macro level, and as others have said, the individual stories and the broader state-of-humanity stories need to be told and told well. Thank goodness you're here to help do that.
Thank you for this, Sarah, and for supporting the muddling through to tell all the stories I can. I so appreciate you.
Your words. The way they bring humanity and its endless layers to life. Thank you for always so selflessly sharing them. They’ve been such a powerful guide since I found them over 20 years ago and I am so excited to find them here on Substack.
Kate! What a delight to come across you in this new space. I’m honored. 🙏🏻
1. I held my breath for the most part.
2. Wordsmith.
3. Made me think of Kate Chopin’s and Margret Atwood's books.
Lord, friend, don’t set the bar so high! 😆 so glad you’re here, Shannon.
This is the first time I’ve read you and the bar is already that high. I’m in awe.
*speechless*
Which never happens 😳🙏🏻💙
Just. Wow. Talk about a piece staying with you.
And, Marya, once again I'm touched by the resonance of our weaving stories. I've started and worked and reworked a piece, working title, "Dating in Vanlife," well, more than once, I can tell you. There's a version with the light and funny, one with the sweetness of fleeting depth, and one with moments like the one you bring to life here. And does / should one exist without the other? (Maybe another topic for the conversation.) (PS. Yeah, no freezing. But run is my go-to.)
Mostly, thanks for this fantastic example of how to write these moments well.
Thank you, Holly. You’ve posted such incredible work these last couple of weeks, and i am so excited for our conversation. I was just going to message you about it—will do so right after class.
Fantastic. And thank you. :)
A story came to mind: a disagreement with a guy on the concept of freedom that led to me wanting my knife in my hand, just in case, the rest of the semester. I erased finer details after weighing the wisdom of telling this story in a public space at this time. Then there are questions of timing in general, whose story is it really, the differences between bravery and discernment (though they can go hand in hand). I don’t really wish bravery upon everyone, nor resilience – not anymore. I wish we lived in a world where those things mattered less, weren’t so vital, were not a matter of survival.
And yet.
You & this piece are brave and powerful. Thank you for writing it. Thank you for being here.
I wish us all plenty of bravery and far less need for it, as well. Thank you for posting here, luv, and thank you for the messages cheering me on as I wrote. ♥️
You’re very welcome 😘
"The difference between bravery and discernment." SO much, there. I hope you one day decide to share your story you referenced (not wanting to air it in public at this time). It will resonate with so many. Just that one sentence had me.
Thank you Nina, that’s very kind. That particular story would likely only be shared in tandem with related ones… as Marya writes, it’s never just one story, is it? “Every single story—about a place or a person or a moment in time—is inextricably tied to all the stories that precede the one story you're trying to tell.” & time will tell, as to what gets told. 🙂
A deeply strong and moving and consuming perspective.
Haunting,….leaving me with a thirst for more. But more importantly, an introduction and opportunity to quiet my mind, its views and opinion. And to digest your story, and perspective in whole. The bigger story.
Thank you.
Same reasons I so value the opportunity to hear your stories, my friend. Thank YOU.
Really compelling read Marya. “Every single story—about a place or a person or a moment in time—is inextricably tied to all the stories that precede the one story you're trying to tell.” Comes across in this piece loud and clear. Glad you got out of that truck unharmed.
So sad to read about the Olympic athlete. I hadn’t seen that news.
I’m happy to hear from you, Wendy, and so glad you found something here. The death of the Olympian is heartbreaking, and thoughts and prayers didn’t feel like the only possible response. Thank you for commenting.
I just saw Sam Baker (of The Shift) mention her, too, and looked up the news. Just awful. Your piece frames it in a really thought-provoking way. Thanks for writing this.
@sam baker is doing the important stuff and we’re lucky to read him. Thank you again.
Wonder how many times he’s used the line, “GPS doesn’t work out here.” Yikes. Creep. Not all men, true, but damn sure enough of us. That’s for sure.
Good question—I admit it crossed my mind. And while individuals are not representative of the collective, the collective has some work to do within, seems to me.
Not sure I could add anything substantive to what is here already, but you are 100% ON IT and I couldn't be happier you are in the world, doing what you are doing, shining a very bright light on this crazy shit. And doing it with incredibly writing, thank you.
Thank you, Nina! Equally glad to know you’re out here as well.
Boom what amazing writing, I felt as if I was right there in the truck with you. Unfortunately, a lot of us women have been right there in the truck with you. Luckily you clearly have your head screwed on the right way, but please be careful out there ❤️
Too many have, I agree. Sorrowful about that but happy we’re turning the experience into a conversation that I hope will move us toward a different story altogether. One day.