I think those that slam the gates, and lock them, too, sometimes, are the least qualified among us to do so. It will always be like that, I comment despairingly.
I was escaping my life in Colorado 2016 and not too late at night in West TX pulled into a motel with one car. I was checked in by a small child with another crying in the background through one of those thick windows. She kept checking with her obliterated Mom, heard, not seen,...to make sure she was doing the job right.
Door was unlocked. Slept with clothes on, waking often and listening to a world just as you so aptly describe here.
Yeah, anytime people who've been kicked around a little and feel that life owes them something manages to acquire a little power, they tend to abuse it. Human nature can be a nasty little beast.
Your take on California rings true, it is such an undefinable collective. It is also lucky to have you back. Happy 51st, may you and your protector Luna continue to peel back the layers. Your unique perspective never fails to blow me away.
You nailed it with this piece that touches many of the same experiences of current and former RVers. So many memories that make it live again, especially the panoply of all kinds of gatekeepers, I tried to humor some of the humorless, a few successes, very few.
Thanks, Marya. I’m jn a holding pattern and will not be returning to former levels of activities and adventures. However grateful to still be here and to be doing what I can even on this greatly reduced schedule. Strength, endurance and mobility in limited supply. I’m OK with it all, with a calm peace keeping me centered and some pain meds helping too I will try and write a summary update next week
Marya, it is my hope for you that your find a place in CA which offers a downy soft landing.. a place where old miserable snotty hags don’t fit in, a place where kindness, humanity, unique senses and having “grounded in the earth feet” can remain planted.
You don’t belong where the ugly hearted people live.
And I hope that soon you’ve had enough tastes of their lives that you never need to meet any more of them to find something meaningful to write about.
Move on, find something that resonates with your deepest heart. ♥️ that’s my hope for you.
I appreciate the kind words, Tey. I'm not at a loss for meaningful things about which to write, nor do I seek out the ugly-hearted or unkind. I see the country as hurt and grieving and lashing out, and I believe these encounters reflect that collective condition. I believe it's a moment we're in, not a place; it's meaningful, and it's worth observing because it's true. <3
Oh yes, absolutely your writing is always important, raw and deeply realistic. (All reasons why I love it)
I should have done a better job of composing my note… that’s on me 😕.
And I agree that it is meaningful and where the country is at…
I think that my Mama Bear heart (yes, I’m old enough to be your Mom) just wished for you to drive into a place that would feel like you belonged… if only for a night… to allow both you and Luna that “ahhhhh” we all need once in awhile, or perhaps I should more honestly say, the ahhh which I need now and then in order to keep going.
No sorry needed!! I so appreciate the care you bring to bear, Tey - not enough of that in any of our lives. ❤️ thinking of you and sending tea & healing vibes!!
An incredible piece, Marya. I loved all of it, but have a special place in my heart for your attempt to joke with the gatekeeper over the phone when she was having none of it. Also, happy belated birthday! Mine was six days before yours.
As a fellow native of the Golden State, I often think of California -- so lovely at first glance, but perpetually teetering on the razor's edge of catastrophe -- will someday be looked back on as the modern Atlantis, a paradise that couldn't ... and didn't ... last.
Then again, what does? Life is transient, as is everything else. The only constants are water and rock, and of those only rock is eternal. Someday the sun will expand, and in the words of a rather eloquent British astronomer, "Lick the earth clean," boiling off the oceans and leaving only a charred cinder of hard rock drifting through the cold black void.
So, enjoy it all while we can ... and hey, Happy Birthday!
Damn. DAMN! Those British astronomers really have a way with words. Who knew? I've been digging into Didion's writing about California in Where I'm From. It reads wise and prescient - and, fittingly, as the notes of someone from where we're from who is similarly content to walk that razor's edge as if it's a perfectly reasonable route for a stroll. Thank you, as ever!
Oof. I read whole passages of this one to Jim, especially this part: "What's it like, I wondered, to fancy yourself the gatekeeper. What's it like to think you get to judge." That hits right in the heart of my next essay -- even while I know I'm guilty of it, I am so fed up with judgement!
Happy unbirthday, Marya. A couple of days after the fact, I hope you've crossed paths with at least a few folks who still remember how to believe in each other. Speaking of remembering, I recall exactly where I was when I hit 50, but I have no idea what I did to acknowledge the day a year later. I'm glad yours wasn't any more memorable than it already was. 😬
Thank you so much for this, Elizabeth! I meet amazing people as well, and write about them too - what I notice lately is that there seems to be an uptick in this kind of spiky energy at different times, depending on what's going on in the broader world. It interests me far more than it harms me; it seems to me to express a collective historic grief that I want more than anything to recognize and record. Appreciate you so much!
Collective historic grief - yes! Spiked by current tensions. No question that we reflect back what we [allow ourselves to] absorb from our circumstances.
Why is it that some of us must persist in our quest for truth, even when it lands us in no man’s land? I must also leave no stone unturned. Thank you for traversing the underside of it all.
Stubborn little shits, we are. ;) It's always such a relief to know people like you (and several folks in this thread) are out here trekking around flipping stones too. xo
I grew up in England. As a teen in the sixties, music was everything, and my music was California music. My favorite DJ had worked in San Bernardino - it sounded so exotic - and, along with an STD, brought back records. Love, Country Joe. Now I live in the PNW and can visit. It has pull that keeps drawing me back for the reasons all you write about it that are so true. I'm in Oceanside right now. Hotel California was playing in the grocery store. I checked out, but, well, you know the rest.
We're visiting a friend in the golf club part of Coachella Valley next week, where I'll watch whites and hispanics unsee each other as the latter manicure the former's yards. And there will be gatekeepers. I don't think I'll get back to Bombay Beach this time. So, thank you for taking me there and letting me see it through your eyes.
Hope your birthday is a good kind of solo.
I think those that slam the gates, and lock them, too, sometimes, are the least qualified among us to do so. It will always be like that, I comment despairingly.
I was escaping my life in Colorado 2016 and not too late at night in West TX pulled into a motel with one car. I was checked in by a small child with another crying in the background through one of those thick windows. She kept checking with her obliterated Mom, heard, not seen,...to make sure she was doing the job right.
Door was unlocked. Slept with clothes on, waking often and listening to a world just as you so aptly describe here.
Strong girls rock. J
Oh yes they do 😏 I’m so glad we’ve found each other’s stories here, Janice! Thank you!
There’s a special place in hell (or TX or AZ or CA or FL) for gatekeepers.
Hope your day gives you a breather ❤️
Hahaaaa!! Well said, friend, and thank you!☺️
Agreed!
Yeah, anytime people who've been kicked around a little and feel that life owes them something manages to acquire a little power, they tend to abuse it. Human nature can be a nasty little beast.
Your take on California rings true, it is such an undefinable collective. It is also lucky to have you back. Happy 51st, may you and your protector Luna continue to peel back the layers. Your unique perspective never fails to blow me away.
The feeling is entirely mutual, Eileen 🥰🙏🏻
God I love your writing. Happy birthday!!
As you are perfectly well aware I am a fervent admirer of yours, as well 🥰
Just found her, and oh, my...
Thank you both you silly critters
Right?!
You nailed it with this piece that touches many of the same experiences of current and former RVers. So many memories that make it live again, especially the panoply of all kinds of gatekeepers, I tried to humor some of the humorless, a few successes, very few.
A very few indeed 😆 thank you so much, Gary, I’m happy you’re back!!
Thanks, Marya. I’m jn a holding pattern and will not be returning to former levels of activities and adventures. However grateful to still be here and to be doing what I can even on this greatly reduced schedule. Strength, endurance and mobility in limited supply. I’m OK with it all, with a calm peace keeping me centered and some pain meds helping too I will try and write a summary update next week
I look forward to reading it, and so glad you’re taking it at the right pace 🙏🏻
FANTASTIC!!!
Thank you so much, Susan!!
Marya, it is my hope for you that your find a place in CA which offers a downy soft landing.. a place where old miserable snotty hags don’t fit in, a place where kindness, humanity, unique senses and having “grounded in the earth feet” can remain planted.
You don’t belong where the ugly hearted people live.
And I hope that soon you’ve had enough tastes of their lives that you never need to meet any more of them to find something meaningful to write about.
Move on, find something that resonates with your deepest heart. ♥️ that’s my hope for you.
I appreciate the kind words, Tey. I'm not at a loss for meaningful things about which to write, nor do I seek out the ugly-hearted or unkind. I see the country as hurt and grieving and lashing out, and I believe these encounters reflect that collective condition. I believe it's a moment we're in, not a place; it's meaningful, and it's worth observing because it's true. <3
Oh yes, absolutely your writing is always important, raw and deeply realistic. (All reasons why I love it)
I should have done a better job of composing my note… that’s on me 😕.
And I agree that it is meaningful and where the country is at…
I think that my Mama Bear heart (yes, I’m old enough to be your Mom) just wished for you to drive into a place that would feel like you belonged… if only for a night… to allow both you and Luna that “ahhhhh” we all need once in awhile, or perhaps I should more honestly say, the ahhh which I need now and then in order to keep going.
I’ll stop projecting now. (Sorry)
No sorry needed!! I so appreciate the care you bring to bear, Tey - not enough of that in any of our lives. ❤️ thinking of you and sending tea & healing vibes!!
An incredible piece, Marya. I loved all of it, but have a special place in my heart for your attempt to joke with the gatekeeper over the phone when she was having none of it. Also, happy belated birthday! Mine was six days before yours.
Chris!! Happy birthday!! I am sorry to have missed it, as I would have gladly sent a proper joke. Also, sorry you're an Aries. :P
Thank you, Marya!
If the ram horns fit...
As a fellow native of the Golden State, I often think of California -- so lovely at first glance, but perpetually teetering on the razor's edge of catastrophe -- will someday be looked back on as the modern Atlantis, a paradise that couldn't ... and didn't ... last.
Then again, what does? Life is transient, as is everything else. The only constants are water and rock, and of those only rock is eternal. Someday the sun will expand, and in the words of a rather eloquent British astronomer, "Lick the earth clean," boiling off the oceans and leaving only a charred cinder of hard rock drifting through the cold black void.
So, enjoy it all while we can ... and hey, Happy Birthday!
Damn. DAMN! Those British astronomers really have a way with words. Who knew? I've been digging into Didion's writing about California in Where I'm From. It reads wise and prescient - and, fittingly, as the notes of someone from where we're from who is similarly content to walk that razor's edge as if it's a perfectly reasonable route for a stroll. Thank you, as ever!
Oof. I read whole passages of this one to Jim, especially this part: "What's it like, I wondered, to fancy yourself the gatekeeper. What's it like to think you get to judge." That hits right in the heart of my next essay -- even while I know I'm guilty of it, I am so fed up with judgement!
Happy unbirthday, Marya. A couple of days after the fact, I hope you've crossed paths with at least a few folks who still remember how to believe in each other. Speaking of remembering, I recall exactly where I was when I hit 50, but I have no idea what I did to acknowledge the day a year later. I'm glad yours wasn't any more memorable than it already was. 😬
Thank you so much for this, Elizabeth! I meet amazing people as well, and write about them too - what I notice lately is that there seems to be an uptick in this kind of spiky energy at different times, depending on what's going on in the broader world. It interests me far more than it harms me; it seems to me to express a collective historic grief that I want more than anything to recognize and record. Appreciate you so much!
Collective historic grief - yes! Spiked by current tensions. No question that we reflect back what we [allow ourselves to] absorb from our circumstances.
Why is it that some of us must persist in our quest for truth, even when it lands us in no man’s land? I must also leave no stone unturned. Thank you for traversing the underside of it all.
Stubborn little shits, we are. ;) It's always such a relief to know people like you (and several folks in this thread) are out here trekking around flipping stones too. xo
Always!
Happy Belated Birthday, Marya! 🎊🎉🎊🎉🎊🎉🎂🎂🎂🛻🛻🛻🐾🐾🐾
Thank you so much, Debora!!!
Happy belated Marya & thanks for sharing your words with us!
Sybil!! When are you going to start a substack? I’m greedy and want more of yours. I can’t wait to see where your next book goes 🥰
Oh, wow.
I grew up in England. As a teen in the sixties, music was everything, and my music was California music. My favorite DJ had worked in San Bernardino - it sounded so exotic - and, along with an STD, brought back records. Love, Country Joe. Now I live in the PNW and can visit. It has pull that keeps drawing me back for the reasons all you write about it that are so true. I'm in Oceanside right now. Hotel California was playing in the grocery store. I checked out, but, well, you know the rest.
We're visiting a friend in the golf club part of Coachella Valley next week, where I'll watch whites and hispanics unsee each other as the latter manicure the former's yards. And there will be gatekeepers. I don't think I'll get back to Bombay Beach this time. So, thank you for taking me there and letting me see it through your eyes.
Happy birthday!
So happy you’re here, John!! And Lordy, thank you for this magnificent micro-essay in comment form - I am delighted!! Thank you!
Oh, thank you, Marya. This state, it must bring out my inner Raymond Chandler wannabe.
We're here because my wife's in today's Oceanside Ironman 70.3. They're out on the bike in Camp Pendleton right now.
I'm writing about it!
Having spent my last three birthdays alone, I can't say I have a problem with that.
Meeeeee neither 🙌🏼☺️
Happy birthday! 🩷
Thank you, Lori!! ☺️